There's Something You Should Know

There's Something You Should Know
2003/12/01

Before you say "I do",
Let me ask you a question.
Are you willing to fight me?
Are you willing to hurt me?

Or are you the type,
That just goes with the flow?

Before you say "I will",
Please let me know.
Will you beat me at my own game?
Will you cut me down to size?

Or could you not stand,
To see me upset?

Competition makes me ugly,
And I'm always in a race.
I'll never let you win,
It's something you have to earn.

Maybe you thought,
That because I'm so sweet,
That I don't know how,
To make you cry.

Well let me tell you,
That I've been to school,
And I'm versed in the ways,
Of causing you pain.

If you even think,
That I'll just let you,
Strip away my pride,
You're terribly wrong.

I've come too far,
To let any one person,
Hold sway in my life,
Ever again.

So unless you can break me,
Unless you can defy me,
Unless you can slap me,
And tell me I'm wrong.

You'd best be on your way,
Because I'm not a daddy,
And I don't want another,
Little girl in my life.

If you can't stand tall,
In the fury of my wrath,
Then just go home.

But if you feel,
That you can put up with me,
And if you really like me,
Then please don't go away.

Because I've been alone,
For a very long time.
And I'm so afraid,
Of getting hurt yet again.

Please don't abuse me,
Because I will not notice.
I'll fall for your pouting,
I'm stupid like that.

I'll give you my heart,
It's yours to control.
But only after I tell you,
There's something you should know.

This is a slightly embarrassing poem to put online so all the world can see me in a vulnerable state, but this is certainly a pure reflection of my mood at times.

This began in my mind after chatting with a friend about past and present relationships. It is basically telling women how hard it is to be with me because of my many faults, several of which are covered in this poem. My overly competitive spirit and my ability to really hurt people psychologically are here as well as my stupidity towards women who can manipulate me and my sometimes pathetic desperation at wanting a girlfriend.

In all of my past relationships I have thoroughly annoyed every girlfriend I've had because I compete at everything. I'm not the kind of guy who lets his girlfriend win just because she's a girl. If she's going to beat me at something, she must be better than me at it. This poem really makes it obvious that you have to fight with me in order to get me to budge, because I fight every battle like it were my last. You have to be willing to hurt me in order to win. Of course I don't want a woman who is overly eager to hurt me, but she can't be afraid to do it either.

The picture was made specifically for this poem. I tried to give a mood that wasn't mean, but certainly not kind. The ones that intimidating alpha males tend to wear. I cropped the image very tightly around my face to give a larger-than-life feel to it. I think the eyes are the fulcrum point, so I intensified them with extra blue. This close up of my face also shows how it is slightly asymmetrical.