TheAlmightyGuru's Webcast - Episode 1
Audio Transcript
© Copyright 2007, Dean
Tersigni
Section 1 - Introduction
[Intro Melody]
Welcome to TheAlmightyGuru's
Webcast, Episode 1, released on 2007, August 27th. This
episode contains a Geek Rant, a Useless Fact, an Ask A
Guru - Personals Edition reply, and a Headlines segment.
Section 2 - Geek Rant
[Metallica - Damage, Inc.]
I'm calling this program a Webcast
as opposed to a Podcast because I'm just a little
more of a tech geek than an art geek and therefore I'm not trendy enough to like
Apple products or even use words that mention their names. Besides, this audio
file will play on any digital audio player, not just the over-priced, but
really cool looking, iPod series.
Apple and Microsoft dweebs can argue about which is
better until their blue in the face, but I really don't care because both
companies are run by evil dictators who want to take over the world. Bill Gates
wants your money and Steve Jobs wants your soul.
If you want to be all ethical in the computer
industry you'll have to start using Linux, but that also means having to give
up dating, stop showering, and start playing Dungeons and Dragons in your
parent's basement. Either way we're pretty much screwed so forget about all
that and just try to enjoy this audio program.
Links
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Podcast
- The Wikipedia entry on Podcasts.
podcast.net - A Podcasting
directory.
Section 3 - Useless Fact
[Voltaire - Anastasia]
And now another useless
fact.
The centipede is a highly segmented arthropod which
was named because of it's large quantity of feet. In
Latin, centum means 100 and pedis means foot.
Most centipedes don't actually have 100 feet; 50 is more
accurate, but there are some centipedes that do have 100 feet, and even upwards
to 200 isn't unheard of. The millipede, on the other hand, can have up to 400
feet. However it was so named after the Latin milli for thousand. So, if you own
a millipede, sue it for false advertising.
Links
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centipede
- The Wikipedia entry on centipedes.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millipede
- The Wikipedia entry on millipedes.
Section 4 - Ask A Guru -
Personals Edition
[David Bowie - Five Years]
This is TheAlmightyGuru from the Web site Ask A Guru. Over the years, Ask A Guru
has received many questions with verifiable answers. These are the questions
the gurus like to answer. However, many of you seem to think that Ask A Guru is some perverse Dear Abby dedicated to making all of
your decisions for you because you're spineless crybabies. For those of who
send us questions about your pathetic love life, here is the Ask A Guru - Personals Edition.
Ivo Writes:
Hi AlmightyGuru. I want this girl to my
girlfriend but she doesn't seem to like me a lot. She is so skinny (thats why I like her so much)! I
sometimes tell her how much I like her and she looks amazed and then walks
away. How do I get her to like me?
Love,
Ivo
You like her because she's skinny? Well, she
probably likes being skinny too. Therefore, if you want to impress her you
should kidnap her, and throw her into a pit in your basement and starve her for
a week. This will make her even skinnier, thus allowing her appreciate her body
even more. Once she realizes that it was you who helped her increase her
anorexia she'll love you forever.
Or... Sit her down and explain
your feelings. If she still walks away it's probably because she wasn't that
into you to begin with.
Do you have a personal question you'd like the
guru's to answer? Send your email to: ihavenofreewillofmyownandshouldbeshotatcloserangewithahighpowered
assultrifle@gmail.com
Section 5 - Headline
[The Rolling Stones - Shattered]
On August 20th, the Australian government released
an amazing product called NetAlert. In a nutshell, NetAlert is a toolbar that runs in your Internet browser preventing
you from visiting any Web site that the Australian government deems
inappropriate. They claim that this will help parents protect their children
from unwanted content. It really should be advertised for what it truly is:
governmental censorship.
Five days later, a 16 year-old named Tom Wood downloaded
the software and installed it. About 30 minutes later he had it cracked. I'll
repeat that for the full effect.
Amazingly enough, if you go to NetAlert's
Web site they offer no news of this gaping security hole. I guess they're
taking a page from Microsoft's book and just hoping that if they deny it long
enough it'll go away on it's own.
Links
news.com.au/story/0,23599,22304224-2,00.html
- The online news article.
netalert.gov.au - The Australian
government's NetAlert site.
Section 6 - Outro
This concludes TheAlmightyGuru's
WebCast.
This episode contained music from songs:
"Damage, Inc." by Metallica (metallica.com)
"Anastasia" by Voltaire (voltaire.net)
"Five Years" by David Bowie (davidbowie.com)
"Shattered" by The Rolling Stones (rollingstones.com)
Visit TheAlmightyGuru on the Web at: thealmightyguru.com
[Outro
Melody]