DZK - Xenu Fights Back

Hello Humans, this is Xenu
Don't try lying because I've seen you
Here reveiling my once expensive secrets
believe me people I'm as freaking real as Jesus

For a thousand measly dollars
I can teach you how to follow
our directions for better leaving
but no drugs, no sex, and we get one of your kidneys (sign here)

If you give us your life savings
you'll receive a much higher ranking (and a keychain)
And more status among the members
means you get the better parking at the center (handicap zone)

L. Ron Hubbard fucked his mother (eww)
Then his father (oh god) then his brother (yea, I knew that one)
Plus his uncles (aww) tried to kiss him (AWW)
So to escape it he'd write the gayest science fiction (true)

Then he came up with a system (yeah)
which he named his new relegion (pshh)
Only problem he was lyin'
And only movie stars were dumb enough to buy it (I'm lookin' at you John Travolta)

On this very day, seventy five million years ago,
I Xenu, Galactic Ruler of the Galactic Confederacy
Brought billions of people to Earth
I stacked them around volcanoes, and using the powers of psycology,
I froze them in place and then I blew them with hydrogen bombs, ha ha ha!
Their souls were clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living
Honestly, what do you humans think has been causing all this chaos and havoc since the beginning of time?
(Hmm)(Hmm) (I dunno black people?) (yeah black people)
Hahaha I think not! (oh)

Xenu!

(And Cut!)
(Folks thats a pap)
(Great job Tom!)
(Thank you)

That just may be about the dumbest
story ever who the fuck is
really joining this fucking bullshit
If you've been a member put your finger on the trigger *gun cock* Pull it.
I said Pull it! *gun shot* Blow your brains out. (thats right)

If your Tom Cruise (heeeey) Cut a vein out (nooooooo)
Of your wrist please cause' your 40
And the dumbest fucker on the TV since we've seen Corkey
Fah la la Life Goes On. (derp derp)

Bitch.