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Here's another one of those stupid teenie bopper Internet lists about how a guy can imasculate himself in order to make a girl's childish ideals come true. Of course, I've added the correct responses to each of these
lame items.
• Give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in.
But she stretches it out because she's so fat.
• Give her one of your hoodies to wear so everyone knows she's yours.
How on earth will they know that? What, do you monogram all your hoodies or something?
• Leave her cute notes.
Using letters cut out from magazines with messages like, "Tonight I will feast upon your intestines!"
• Tell her she looks beautiful.
Even though you both know it's a blatant lie.
• Look into her eyes when you talk to her.
I'm too busy staring at her boobs.
• Let her mess with your hair.
Only if she wants to die.
• Touch her hair.
And then go buy lice shampoo.
• Just walk around with her.
Don't you mean, walk -around- her. Get it? Because she's so fat.
• Forgive her for her mistakes.
So you'll have to forgive her about fifteen times a day.
• Look at her like she's the only girl you see.
That is, until someone who is prettier walks by.
• Tickle her even when she says stop.
Or at least until she wets herself.
• When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
But tell her in your own language that is composed only of swear words.
• Let her fall asleep in your arms.
So that you can take advantage of her shortly thereafter.
• Get her mad and then kiss her.
By mad, of course, I mean infect her with rabies.
• Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
Since you're playing videogames anyway it doesn't really matter all that much.
• Tease her and let her tease you back.
However, when she tries to tease you back smack her nose and say, "NO!" Like dogs, it's the only way women learn.
• Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
Thus making you sick as well. Way to go genius!
• Watch her favorite movies with her.
Just remind her that her favorite movies are The Terminator, Die Hard, and every lesbian porn ever made.
• When she's sad, hang out with her.
And every few minutes say, "Don't you ever stop crying? You're like a faucet!"
• Let her know she's important.
By telling her that nobody fetches a beer the way she does.
• Kiss her in the pouring rain.
And by "kiss," I mean, "use her as an umbrella."
• When you fall in love with her, tell her.
Wow, sage advice Cupid. I was just going to hope that she could read my mind, like she expects me to.
• And when you tell her, love her like you've never loved before.
Even more than ice cream? I think not!
• And, when she runs up at you crying... the first thing you say is, "Who am I beating today?"
And then say, "Just kidding. What'd you do wrong this time?"
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