The Tome of Lehadony

The Book of Ye Olde Disclaimere


Chapter 1

1 And yay though it is written, that this is not a mockery of holy books of yore...
2 The prophets have foreseen letters through the web of global spiders.
3 Some of the letters which doth follow the path of the web shall be aflame.
3 Of the flaming letters, shall they be cast out into the gray box adorned with the swirling three arrows of green, never to be seen by the eyes of yonder man.
4 But of these letters of which burneth not, they shall comfort the life of one who doth enjoy making a joke.

Chapter 2

5 Also noteth that these scriptures are have hence forth been copyrightedeth, and shall not be taken by a thief in the night.

6 So lo, do enjoyeth this tome of great wisdom, and through it, shall ye days be full of laughing of the side-splitting persuasion.

7 So it is written, so let it be done.

 

The Book of The Beginning


Chapter 1

1 In the beginning there was Saint Joseph Hospital in Pontiac, Michigan, and it was good.

2 In said hospital existed a woman of the pregnant persuasion.
3 The child of her loins was not too eager to enter the cold world.
4 I blameth him not.

5 Mixed screams did erupt from both mother and child, and lo, the doctor did see the beauty of the child, and he did fall to his knees in worship.

6 And behold the child was a perfect being of whom the mother named 'Dean' which means 'Master'.
7 Dean would become the master of many things, and thus this name was quite fitting.

8 Dean's father was but a mere humble painter (of cars), and his mother was but a mere waitress of a boring restaurant.
9 Neither of them had the riches or influence that was deserved of a child of such power.
10 But yet, the child being oh so full of humbleness cared not, and played with his semi-average toys of the non-computer design.

11 And so it was brought to pass, that every year, on Dean's birthday, would be a day of jubilee.
12 For those who have read the sky have prophesized the power that Dean would hold.
13 And yay, Dean was hooked up something fierce.

14 From here and there, and everywhere didst people from all walks of life come to bestow gifts to the infant Dean.
15 These gifts, though also of the non-computer design did please the child, and he did drool with glee.
16 The drool, like all aspects of the the boy, was indeed perfect.

Chapter 2

17 And Dean did grow as time did passeth.
18 And on the day of his birthday every year the jubilee did rocketh.
19 Dean was now of the age of fiveth, and dideth haveth toeth goeth toeth schooleth.
20 Which did sucketh.

21 And behold, the children of school were total jerks, and did not worship Dean.
22 Yet, Dean, being of such humbleness did not complain at their utter lack of worship, and did laugh and play with them.
23 Well, the few who did not despise him.

24 School, Dean soon did realized, is a place that is policed by robots who doth try to remove all creativity from their prisoners, and doth force them to fit into pre-made molds of future careers of the yes-man.

25 And yay though Dean did not adhere to the rules of the prison called school.
26 He did do things his own way, which earned him grades of letters that are a long way into the alphabet.

Chapter 3

27 After the school for smaller children did ende, Dean did have to go to ye olde prison in the middle.
28 Behold his torture was not completeh, and he would be meant to suffer many pains for years to come.

29 Halfway through middle prison, Dean did begin to notice that lo girls were icky before, they were now pretty darn hoteth.
30 And Dean did begin to liketh chicks, but behold, they did playeth hard to get.
31 That, and Dean was not considered too sexy to the girls of middle prison.
32 Although, Dean, perfect as he was, had perfect appearance, perfect was not of what was 'in-style' at the timeth.
33 This did really sucketh for Dean.

34 But alas, upon the day of his eleventh jubilee, Dean was bestowed upon a toy of computer design.
35 Life had doth been fulfilled for Dean.
36 And yet, though he did not give up looking at people of the female type, he now had something to occupy his vast brain of unequalled wisdom.

37 With help from his trusty computer, Dean's grades did get much worse.
38 And there was much rejoicing.
39 Not from Dean's parents.

40 Middle prison was but a shadowy memory, and Ultra big prison was on its way.
41 And yet, Dean's computer knowledge did grow, and with that he was enlightened.

Future Books


The Book of The Child
The Book of The Vampire
The Book of Misinterpration
The Book of Everyone
The Book of The Thief
The Book of The Dragon
The Book of Passion
The Book of Confusion
The Book of Rules
The Book of Time
The Book of Books
The Book of Life
The Book of Empires
The Book of Endings

BACK

© Copyright 2003: Dean Tersigni, All rights reserved.