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2013-10-28

What’s a Nazirite?

That’s how Moses should have responded when God pulled out Numbers 6:1-4. Instead, he just cheerfully nods at everything God says, completely ignorant to what it means. Does that remind anyone else of church?

The Biblical Hebrew word is naziyr which means “untrimmed,” which will make more sense tomorrow. A Nazirite is explained as one who has taken a vow of separation unto the Lord. Separation from those worldly and impure actions like, eating raisins! What?

Look, I know raisins are the least impressive thing to receive when you’re trick-or-treating, but they’re hardly impure! Oh really, the Christian apologist demands! Think about it, impurities come from evil, drunk people sometimes do evil things, wine can make you drunk, and what is wine made of? Grapes! And what are dried grapes? That’s right, raisins! Check mate atheists! And it’s not just raisins, any part of a grape or anything derived from a grape is therefore impure. But if grapes are so impure, then why can everyone else eat them without it being a sin? Okay, maybe grapes aren’t impure, maybe they just symbolize wine and that’s why a Nazirite must avoid them.

But then, a Nazirite can’t consume any other strong drinks either, like whiskey. And what is whiskey made of? Barley, rye, wheat, corn… actually, you can make alcohol out of pretty much anything (just ask a prisoner), so why doesn’t God doesn’t forbid all these other ingredients as well? As usual, the bible offers no explanation.

 

Comments

Ladyofthemasque writes:

 

*Sad reader is sad, 'cause the picture link is broken...*

TheAlmightyGuru writes:

 

Ugh! Mondays...

Baughbe writes:

 

Yes, the wonderful grape,another one of God's "Unclean" creations. Seems the holy pure one make a lot of dirty things... and it's so entertaining watching apologists create bs reasons behind it.

Maju writes:

 

So I am a Nazirite because I don't like wine and prefer cider, beer and rum and possibly other intoxcants I'd rather not mention here? I'm beginning to worry because what's next: circumcission?!

For what I read, next thing after that is leaving my hair long like a hippy... oh, wait, I already have that until I freak out and cut it short again and not going anywhere nearby tombs and corpses (sure, why not).

Another interesting thing I found is that Nazirite and Nazarene seem to be the same thing and therefore it's probable that Jesus was on of those, yet he drank wine quite heretically... uhm?

Arashikou writes:

 

"...Nazirite cannot not drink..."

Either that's a typo in the comic or being a Nazirite is AWESOME.

anonymous writes:

 

You said "And what are dried grape?" I think you meant grapes.....

TheAlmightyGuru writes:

 

I did indeed mean that, thank you. Fixed!

Dixieland Delight writes:

 

Next to last sentences says "...why doesn't God doesn't forbid..." I think there's an extra 'doesn't'.

 

Oh the irony!