God has got a bit of the Midas touch going on in Exodus 25:31-40. Everything he wants must be made of gold! Again, this is not only ridiculous, it’s greedy and impractical. Regardless, he describes how to make an oil lamp known as a menorah. It consists of a single trunk with six curved branches, three on each side, each of the seven points leads up to a bowl of oil. The whole thing is to be decorated artistically, and be made from an entire talent of gold, or about 75 pounds; you know, for ease of transportation.

This makes be bring up the prosperity gospel again. It’s becoming more common for Charismatic churches in poor areas to preach that God wants them to be wealthy, but in order for that to happen, they must first give God (i.e., the church pastor) a lot of money. While this doesn’t actually help the poor parishioners, it does help get the preacher into a new Bentley.

The problem with the prosperity gospel, of course, is that it contradicts with the teachings of Jesus who says numerous times that people should not aspire to be rich, and those who are rich should give their wealth to the poor. But, after reading Exodus, it seems like these prosperity preachers are spot on, and it’s Jesus who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. If you want to impress God, you need one thing, and one thing only… gold. Lots and lots of pure 24 carat gold!



Maju writes:


I'm God, gimme your goooooooold! Mwahahahahaha!

Baughbe writes:


How about a vow of poverty there God?

Ima Lemming writes:


Does God realize that pure, 24-karat gold is too soft to make this stuff out of? Or at least retain the shapes he demands? I imagine the arms of a menorah made out of pure gold would warp under their own weight, plus the oil in the bowls.

TheAlmightyGuru writes:


@Ima Lemming: To be fair, God never does specify the carat of the gold. However, he does say, on numerous occasions, "pure gold", which I assume to mean 24 carat.

Yeshivakid writes:


Was Jesus a Communist? That might explain why his own dad had him crucified. :p

Ima Lemming writes:


His apostles were:

Richard writes:


Jesus totally preached communism, and never really mentions capitalism. Religious folk get really pissed when you point that out to them, though. It kinda shoots their "The USA was founded on Judea-Christian values!" argument in the foot.

Sharkie writes:


Of course God wants people to be rich! It makes it easier to murder the poor people with different beliefs

989fox989 writes:


He also wants people to be rich so that they can give him more stuff.


Oh the irony!